REVIEW: YouTube "Kids" Cartoons

Reviewer: Armored Werewolf

I put those quotations as a reason. Most of these cartoons are NOT meant for kids. They try to lure kids with characters like Spiderman, Elsa, and Peppa Pig. Oh and you will be seeing a lot of Minions. Seriously, there are more Minions than Spiderman and Elsa combined. So, what makes these cartoons bad? Well, there are a handful- no scratch that. There is a universe-ful (not even a word) of these.

The Actual Cartoons
It's no secret that there is a YouTube Kids app. Those are family-friendly channels that YouTube recognizes. These cartoons don't appear, and here is why. There is a shocking level of mature themes. You see blood, open wounds, disgusting closeups, and even injections of strange-looking substances. Normally, I like a little bit of edge. But these are poor examples for the wrong demographic. These are meant to be watched by kids, and you see Elsa literally cutting her fingers off. WHAT. THE. F***?

Horrible animation and annoying voices that would make My Little Pony Generation 3 cry, and borderline clickbait. It amazes me why I haven't seen any of these. I just watched someone review them and I can tell they are crap. No, beyond crap. These shouldn't even exist. Why hasn't YouTube done anything? Oh wait, they are lazier than Comcast Support.

Finger Family
These are somewhat cartoons but just...what the hell am I watching? I have to admit, the singing can very easily get stuck in your head. Unlike the cartoons, the not so kid friendly ones are actually somewhat hard to find. Okay, they are common but nothing too harmful. Deadpool shows up and farts in a toilet and he is listed as the "Father Finger."

The titles for some of these video though are just...what? "Donald Trump Gorilla Candy Finger Family." I don't even know... "Daddy finger, daddy finger, where are you? Here I am, here I am, how do you do?" God dammit it's stuck in my head again. To be fair, this is something kids might go to. It's not too educational and doesn't go overboard with happiness, but that's what I like about kid's cartoons. Nothing to see here, I'll let this one pass.

Hey Kids
I actually am planning on doing a Myths and Mysteries article on this. Hey Kids is a kid oriented YouTube channel. They have Finger Family and some basic educational videos. Seems harmless upon first glance, until you see the more recent videos. There is this creepy doll that claims to be the owner of Hey Kids. There are also 2 female teachers who rarely ever appear and the doll has the main role. This doll speaks in a robotic tone and seems to have malfunction quite a bit. One video shows a closeup of Darth Maul's face with the doll's voice over it. Then, a video of him using Hitler's face appears. Again, I have yet to see an actual video from this channel, and I don't think I will. Partially because I don't want to feed clickbait channels, and I don't want to see this...thing in my history.