REVIEW: Bathrooms

Reviewer: Armored Werewolf

I go from talking about terrible books and television to bathrooms? Yup, what won't I talk crap about? Bathrooms, we all need them. Used for just about anything that involves our body. And for the most part, they are well designed and can even look nice. But here, I will discuss the worst of these rooms of bath.

Toilets
Ah yes, this damn thing. You stand or sit down, press the lever (or switch if at a hotel), and watch them flush. However, some toilets really do suck. Like the ones when you flush and nearly make you go deaf due to how loud they are. So on the summer of 2016 I stood at Block Island and the bathroom was questionable. The toilet was small, almost looking like a circular chair with a hole in it. How you flush though, just wow. You have two buttons marked with a I or II...how clever. Also the self-flushing ones, they do suck. Half of the time, it doesn't work. And other times, it flushes so early.

I also really hate urinals, aren't toilets enough? What if all the toilets are taken and you're yo-yoing a turd? The urinals just sit there and mock you. I also hate when a urinal and a toilet are right next to one another without a stall. And in most restaurants, there's only 1 toilet and the sink.

Showers
For manly men! Or take a bath, I don't really care. Going back to Block Island, the shower really sucked. The water felt like a garden hose, with all the ways to control the water pressure. And the stall was so damn that it was so easy to slip out. As for the towel hanger, it is so sensitive and easy to knock over. I literally just walk out and BOOM it crashes, just barely missing my head. Sometimes, the tub can be so slippery you will fall and bang your head on pure steel.

Drying Hands Methods
Paper towels to air, oh man. The automatic dispenser may not even read your hand movements and often spit out ridiculously small paper that makes the paper soaking wet the second you touch it. The air one is even worse though. Sometimes its fine, but others are not so great. Sometimes, the air is so soft that it may take a long time to dry, or it comes out so strong that makes a tornado feel like an ordinary breeze.

Faucets/Sinks
The worst part of all. Some public restrooms have the worst sinks in history. The automatic water sensors are often way too sensitive or almost never activate. The worst ones though are the ones where the water only stays on if the button is held down. Who came up with this and why does it exist? Is it because of one dumbass who the kept sink on and flooded the place?

Porta Potty
When you see this ugly blue box in the middle of nowhere, fear for what lies inside. It will smell like roadkill laced with rotten fish, and liquid ass combined. You can't even flush the damn thing. I feel bad for the people who have to clean this. I'd rather stand in the middle of the sewers.

Schools
I'm sorry, but I cannot let this go by. School bathrooms are sometimes worse than hotels. Sometimes, the sinks don't even work, the toilet takes half a century to flush, or the hot and cold water can get reversed. I set the water to cold, only have fresh magma come shooting out of the faucet. Oh and flush the toilet please, no one wants to see fresh crap the second you walk to a toilet.

Hotels
So this here is every person's worst nightmare. Some hotels have extremely questionable bathrooms in history. Putting the light switch outside the bathroom? Are you kidding me? The doors can have such strange designs. A circular latch with two sliding doors? Does this really fit for a bathroom?

Transportation Bathrooms
Trying to use bathrooms on a ferry is a bloody nightmare. If the waves are calm and the boat doesn't move, not too much of a problem. But if the water is rough and the boat rocks side to side constantly, good luck.

Trains, now this is Hell right here. At the very end lies the one single restroom. Since the train moves so damn fast, you could barely even move half the time.

I never used an airplane bathroom and I don't think I will.